Shall We Gather at the Garden?

Shall We Gather at the Garden?, Kevin L. Donihe, Eraserhead Press, 2001

This novel is in three parts. The first is about a man who joins a group of circus midgets as they market a brand new consumer drink called Bottled Barbed Chains. Drink it, and chains come out of your throat, but in a non-fatal way. With proper marketing, everyone will want to have chains hanging from their throats. They get a famous sports star to endorse the drink, but something goes wrong during the live commercial. The chains spring from his throat in a very fatal way, and he dies on live TV.

The second part of the novel concerns Mark Anders, the author of the first part. It was published as a romance (even though there is no romance in it) and the book quickly became a national obsession. People are so enthralled with the story that they read while walking down the street, and walk right into traffic. Others read while driving, with obvious consequences. Anders is not able to go out in public at all, because his residence is constantly surrounded by people who treat him practically as a god.

The third part concerns a couple of early 20s, mall food court employee types. After a particularly heinous day, dealing with Mark Anders Day at the mall (which includes Anders fans dressed as clowns), they relax with some particularly good marijuana. They start dancing, and suddenly find themselves several million years in the future. Their arrival had been foretold by Scripture, and the two find themselves as part of the only church that's left, the Church of the Byrds. Among its sacred relics are the bones of Stephen Stills and letters written by David Crosby. Things move right along, until the Church of Lionel Richie sets up shop nearby. A life-or-death battle ensures as the Byrdites feel that they are heathens who must be converted or eliminated.

I'm not sure if this is intended as satire or not, but it is certainly the strangest novel I have ever read. Think William S. Burroughs or Philip Dick (one of the author's inspirations) after the ingestion of large amounts of narcotics when reading this book. Not just an open mind, but a very open mind is needed, so it is not for everyone. For those who want a mind-blowing story, you won't do much better than this. It's really worth reading.